In Fear of "Chinese Parenting"

Kudos to David Brooks for his excellent New York Times piece this week in response to Amy Chua’s essay in the Wall Street Journal.  The one written in anticipation of the publication of her new book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." As you probably know by now the book is part memoir, part guide to the virtues of so-called “Chinese parenting.” And yes, the article in the Wall Street Journal is called, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

Brooks argues that in part, the anger towards Chua is based on our collective fear of America’s decline – this time at the hands of the Chinese. The emphasis is mine. And I agree with him wholeheartedly.

The furious denunciations began flooding my in-box a week ago. Chua plays into America’s fear of national decline. Here’s a Chinese parent working really hard (and, by the way, there are a billion more of her) and her kids are going to crush ours. Furthermore (and this Chua doesn’t appreciate), she is not really rebelling against American-style parenting; she is the logical extension of the prevailing elite practices. She does everything over-pressuring upper-middle-class parents are doing. She’s just hard core.

He then goes on to label her a “wimp” because she does not have the cognitive where-with-all to negotiate the activities she so proudly disallows her children from participating in, including sleepovers with friends.

Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group — these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale.

As parents I imagine we all shield ourselves from taking the lead on activities involving our children, when we fear our abilities to negotiate particular social situations will be tested.  But the best part of me always tries to set the discomfort aside, do what is best for the children in the moment, and remember that whatever it is I am learning from the particular encounter -- the children are learning too.